We spoke with the former 'Howard Stern Show' contributor after cops busted her for battery -- and she says the whole incident that led to her arrest popped off after a couples counseling session went bad.

Jordana says she and Bahram Alipour, the man in the disturbing video, had set up a couples therapy session to discuss their future before they got married because they were having issues.

EJ says she ended up with his phone during the sesh, and claims she found texts and money transfers to other women ... which blindsided her because she thought he was committed to their relationship.

Now, Elisa's lawyer, Brian Bieber has a much different view from the police of the couple's altercation ... telling us Alipour repeatedly hit and even suffocated Elisa, making her the victim, not him.

It is clear in the video that he did, at the very least, yank Elisa by her hair -- which she claims he actually pulled out of her head ... she showed us clumps of it. However, it's also clear she struck Bahram, and when we asked her about that, she insisted his violence against her was worse because she felt like her life was in danger.

In fact, Jordana says she's glad she turned on the live stream ... 'cause she says she could've been hurt a lot worse if she wasn't recording at the time.

Cops obviously didn't see it Elisa's way at the time of her arrest -- writing in their report they observed several injuries to Alipour's face and, after watching the live stream, took Elisa into custody.