Apatow hosted the 75th awards ceremony, but it wasn't broadcast anywhere -- no video at all.  He groused the damn show wasn't even on the radio ...“This show is being live-streamed to the back of this room. This show is so irrelevant, it’s shocking Elon Musk hasn’t bought it yet.”

Apatow lasered in on Austin Butler, who had said he had trouble shaking the Elvis twang.  Judd warned the world ... Austin's next role could be the lead in "The Jerry Lewis Story."

And then there was Tom Cruise, who famously does his own stunts even though he's north of 60. Judd said, “Tell Tom that Thelma and Louise didn’t exactly jump over the cliff themselves. Tom, have you heard of CGI?”

But he wasn't done, suggesting Tom's stunts have the markings of a Scientology ad.

And then there's this ... “I believe our friend Aubrey Plaza is here. I can’t believe you have a worse seat than Fkboy Island. You gotta talk to your publicist.”

Judd then referenced his famous daughter ... “Sam Levinson is here tonight. He’s the writer-director-creator of Euphoria. My daughter Maude is on that show. It’s very successful. My only frustration, I kind of want her to have a baby. She said, ‘dad, I play a 16-year-old on a high school TV show.’ I’ve seen the show. I don’t think it would be that weird to have a little crack baby on that show. Your baby can play the crack baby, a two-salary situation on that show.”