'Twas 3 months before Christmas and way down in Turkey ... 

Archaeologists claim they found where the REAL Santa Claus has been lurky.

They say St. Nick's bones are under a church ... 

And they found them in a very high-tech, electronic search

The real St. Nick died in 343

Despite the fact he's always hanging at malls, near that big Xmas tree. 

For the record, experts still have to confirm that it really is him. 

The chances they're wrong? It's really quite slim.

So many questions have risen -- is he all by himself?

Did they bury him next to his favorite elf?

And one more question gives us pregnant pause ...

Where in the holy hell is dear Mrs. Claus?

The end?